Log in

Expecto My Arse
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in A. Dementor's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
8:24 pm
Fast Bat Post: The Potter Kid

I'm on my way.

Monday, October 8th, 2007
6:23 pm
Scrawled Journal Entry to Noelle
Hold the cigars, honey lamb, that baby's not out yet! Looks like that boy can't even get a girl knocked up right! I know you're looking forward to decorating the nursery, and you've got the christening gown all picked out, but I just glided by the school and no baby. Can you put the gown back in the crypt until we get wo--

Saturday, January 20th, 2007
11:43 pm
Whispered Conversation Through Tonk's Door

I'm in. You're going to think this is weird, but I think the Muggles can see me! *sounds of metal hitting floor* Oops, sorry about that. I nearly tripped over this scythe out in the graveyard and brought it along to keep anyone else from tripping over it.
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
7:40 pm
Rat Post: R. J. Lupin, Dark Arts Museum

Sure thing. I've got the missus sending over some extra provisions, so it's no trouble to take extra shifts.


PS: Sorry to hear about the Potter kid.
Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
11:20 pm
Rat Post: R. J. Lupin
Dear Sir,

You're joking, right?

You want me to suck out a piece of soul--yummy, crunchy, sweet, sweet soul--and you're asking if I mind?

Line 'em up.

I'm fairly confident it won't do me any harm, unless, say, it's one of the repeaters, and I've got plenty of bromo seltzer.

Monday, April 3rd, 2006
8:55 pm
Two Notes: Rat Post, Bat Post
Rat Post to the Staff of the Azkaban Shopper's Weekly

Never mind.

Your former editor

Fast Bat to Dexter

You get your clothes on now, boy!
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
3:22 pm
Memo To Staff: Azkaban Shoppers Weekly
Dear Staff,

My apolgies for my long absence, if I have indeed been away. I've been on assignment for an important story, one, I think will be of interest to our entire community.

There are, as I'm no doubt sure you'll be shocked to discover, Dementors, yes, our kind, breeding with humans. I have, just this very morning come across the home of one such couple, and such a disgrace I have never seen.

The "husband" was not of pure blood, being perhaps quarter or half-blood Dementor, his really, very lovely "wife", nestled together in a cozy cottage by a cemetary. Now, I know what you're thinking--you're thinking a bit of a toss with a human isn't such a bad thing. We've all done it.

No, the utter disgrace of this is that the couple had a baby--probably just a year old to judge from the remains of the opened gifts lying around the crib.

I think it's time we, as a responsible news organization, spoke out about this shame upon our race. I'm calling for editorials, interviews with families torn apart by this unnatural practice, photos of the blood traitors to be plastered on the pages of our paper.

Meeting to be held this evening, further ideas welcomed, results expected.

Your editor in chief,

A. Dementor
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
9:35 pm
Bat Post: Marcellus Dolohov

Did you know someone left two blast-ended Skrewts in the break room with my name on them? I'm going to run them home for Noelle before my shift starts, and maybe we can get them to mate--they looked like they were about halfway there when I found them. Either way, looks like we'll be having stew this weekend, if you're out Cheepside way.


PS--I'll scrub off the scorch marks, and the, er, other stains when I get back. Oh, and the blood, but I'm not sure whose that is. I've got some really good stuff for that at home.
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
1:36 pm
Private Post: That Boy
You get used to a certain way things are done, a certain way people are. My kind are...quiet-like. We glide in, maybe have a bit of harmless fun with humans by making them see things a bit gloomier, and we glide out. Even our jobs are quiet. Guarding, assisting, a bit of torture here and there, but the prisoners never really screamed all that loud, now did they, with their mouths covered like that.

Now, I know that nephew of mine isn't quite all Dementor. But some days I wish he'd just be quiet. He's been leaping all about the place--with nothing more on than one of Noelle's old flying scarves flapping around his bits he's calling "a symbolic belt of chastity", whatever that means, doing one of those interpretive dance things, whatever that means.

Days like this I wish I could talk to Jack. Maybe it would be a good day to take Noelle and the baby out for a picnic in the cemetary to calm all our nerves a bit. At least it's quiet out there.
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
11:08 pm
Return Rat Post: Jack the Gravedigger

You're on. Careful, I'm feeling lucky.

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
7:38 pm
Interoffice Rat: Sarah Cauldwell, Curator's Office

Budget looks okay to me, except maybe you could find room in there someplace for some snacks in the break room? Of a night sometimes, a few packets of those cheese crackers with peanut butter wouldn't go amiss.

Saturday, January 7th, 2006
6:05 pm
Rat Post: Jack the Gravedigger

Looks like we're a go for tonight, mate, and thanks again for coming by to watch Dierdre while Noelle and I step out. Dexter will be here to help, but I'm sure you understand how pleased I am that you'll be here as well. No telling when an artistic, er, spurt, or fit or whatever those things are, will overcome the boy and he'll lose all sense of responsibility.

Noelle and I will be at that new French place, Chez Mal de Mer. I'll be leaving a Floo connection open in case you have any problems, but you've been around the sprog enough to know her particular needs.

Thanks again,


PS--I collected some flowers from that job two days ago to spring on Noelle before the big night, on advice from the Boss. No one's popped round since you planted him, so I don't think one bouquet will be missed.
Friday, January 6th, 2006
3:48 pm
Vulture Post: Sarah Cauldwell

Sorry to bother you during daylight hours, but I have a favor to ask. Remember how I worked when the Museum was closed for that Muggle holiday? My lady, Noelle, well, she's got a hankering to try that new French place, and I was wondering if I might have the evening off Saturday? We don't get out much you see, what with the baby and all. But we've lined up a minder for the evening, if it's all right with you.

Monday, December 19th, 2005
6:26 pm
Invite In the Secret Language Known Only to Dementors (Translated for Jack)
BanthaPooDoo Basilica Plzkthxbai Par-Tay

December 20th

Falalalalalalalala Musgrave Hamburglar

Gravesend Cottage, the Lair, Cheepside Cemetary


Translated for Jack the Gravedigger: Jack, Open House, my place. Lots of Dementors and Half-breeds from the old crowd. My nevvy, Dexter--you'll remember me talking about him?--is visiting for the holidays. Mort's welcome of course. We usually go out in the streets depressing Muggles out doing last minute shopping, so he'll like that.

PS. Bring Your Own Peanut Butter.
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
11:31 pm
Return Crow Post: Sarah Cauldwell

Sure thing. It's been like a bloody revolving door around here tonight. Wards won't be so tough; one of the traps already been sprung. 'spect there'll be hell to pay in the morning. I'll meet you up on the roof.


P.S. I gave your crow a finger; hope that was okay.
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
3:08 pm
Bat Post: Jack the Gravedigger

Sorry, mate, things are in a bit of a tizzy right now. Remember that new Curator I told you about? The one I'm not going to have to kill? She's been cursed and has been in St. Mungo's. Right shame too, as she lost the wee spawn she was carrying. She sent a gift home for Dierdre, so now I feel right bad. Lovely thing it was too--a centaur hair blanket, with warming charms on it. Just scratchy enough to think she got a bit of the tail in it too, bless her.

The advice I meant to give you about Mort, before everything went pear-shaped was this. Do the jello. Think of it this way--a creature like Mort doesn't get many earthly pleasures. If he wants a bit of a tumble in something that squishes between his, well, whatever those things are at the ends of his legs, then you ought to indulge him at least once.

I'll talk to him if you want.

Yrs In Haste,

Saturday, November 26th, 2005
4:14 pm
One Eared Rat Post: Jack the Gravedigger

Noelle's got me writing to see if you'd like to come round for dinner tonight. She went out last night and caught the bats herself and is itching to try some recipe she found in a magazine. She says I probably didn't thank you properly for all that business with the bodies.Collapse )
Monday, November 21st, 2005
4:10 pm
Owl Post: Marcellus Dolohov
All right then, sir, let's meet at the Museum. If you get lost or waylaid, I don't fancy having to come up with an alibi as I don't think certain recent activities of mine could bear close scrutiny right now.

I like vodka very much.

--A. Dementor
Saturday, November 19th, 2005
4:47 pm
Owl Post: Marcellus Dolohov
Dear Sir,

I wanted to wait to reply to your extraordinary offer until after previous business had been disposed of. Luckily I have a friend in the trade, though I admit the footing around the graveyard is getting a bit tricky.

Sir, I'd be honored to have a drink with you, only, are you certain you meant me?Collapse )
Thursday, November 17th, 2005
3:17 pm
Small, Timid Rat Post: Jack the Gravedigger

No problem about the rat. Dierdre was a bit attached to it, but there's plenty more around here for her to play with.

Er, what's up with Mort? Aside from me seeing him a bit more in his…official capacity, I haven't noticed anything. But it's been like a bloody revolving door at the night job, so maybe my attention isn't where it ought to be.

Thanks again for the help last night, mate. Anytime I can return the favor--well, you know.

[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com